This blog post was written last June or July, before we found out we were expecting again.
I was still in shock as I texted my husband:
“Can I call you?”
“Is something wrong?”
“My period started.”
Two days earlier, I had taken a pregnancy test (probably the tenth one I’d taken); it showed a faint pink second line. I had done some reading and knew that no matter how faint the line, if it shows up, you’re pregnant. A couple hours later, I took another one just to be sure. Later that day, we broke the exciting news to Kris’s family - they were going to have their first grandchild!
Two and half days later, I lay on the floor, feeling those distinctive monthly cramps, and sobbing. Had I made a mistake? Maybe I hadn’t really been pregnant? Oh, why did I tell our family so early?
Later that afternoon, I started doing some research. I had read in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” that some women will take a pregnancy test that reads positive, then a few days later their period starts. The book called it a “chemical pregnancy”.
Here’s the quick of it - the egg is fertilized, and begins to implant in the uterus, but for some reason, this isn’t completed. This pregnancy ends with a period, perhaps a few days later than your expected period, so many women don’t even realize what they’ve just experienced (unless you were taking a home test three days after your red day should have happened). Many experts say that this isn’t really a pregnancy or miscarriage at all because it ended practically before it began.
We had a few family members that we needed to tell the sad news to, but we weren’t sure what to tell them. Our first text said something like, “sorry to disappoint you all, but we weren’t really expecting after all. We had something called a chemical pregnancy.”
I did even more googling and found an online forum talking about chemical pregnancy. From what I read there and elsewhere, doctors are saying that a “chemical pregnancy” is where your body gets rid of the embryo when something isn’t right. As I read through the comments on the forum, most of them very sweet and encouraging, I found one that read:
“I just had a big scare because [my doctor] didn’t know if my pregnancy was ectopic, chemical, or a very early healthy pregnancy. It turned out it was unhealthy and my levels were really low. I have to get a shot to abort the pregnancy because it is not getting rid of itself.”
I was a little shocked. In such a cool and calm manner, she wrote that she was soon going to murder her baby because he body hadn’t gotten rid of it yet. I began to rethink everything that I had been researching.
Doctors call unborn babies “embryos” so we don’t feel as guilty injecting them with poison or vacuuming out their tiny body parts if they happen to be unwanted. Because, under twenty weeks, the “embryo” is just a soul-less blob of cells.
I believe life starts at conception - when the egg and sperm meet. So I believe I was truly pregnant with a precious baby boy or girl. I won’t call our miscarriage a “chemical pregnancy” because our baby was four weeks old, the size of a poppy seed, and had a beautiful little soul.
Any miscarriage, no matter how early, is hard! But we were so grateful to have only known for two days, not allowing too much attachment to take place. The exciting thing is that we are able to have children together. We are patiently - and excitedly - waiting for the Lord’s timing in this area of our lives!
“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” -Psalm 139:13-16
We had a few family members that we needed to tell the sad news to, but we weren’t sure what to tell them. Our first text said something like, “sorry to disappoint you all, but we weren’t really expecting after all. We had something called a chemical pregnancy.”
I did even more googling and found an online forum talking about chemical pregnancy. From what I read there and elsewhere, doctors are saying that a “chemical pregnancy” is where your body gets rid of the embryo when something isn’t right. As I read through the comments on the forum, most of them very sweet and encouraging, I found one that read:
“I just had a big scare because [my doctor] didn’t know if my pregnancy was ectopic, chemical, or a very early healthy pregnancy. It turned out it was unhealthy and my levels were really low. I have to get a shot to abort the pregnancy because it is not getting rid of itself.”
I was a little shocked. In such a cool and calm manner, she wrote that she was soon going to murder her baby because he body hadn’t gotten rid of it yet. I began to rethink everything that I had been researching.
Doctors call unborn babies “embryos” so we don’t feel as guilty injecting them with poison or vacuuming out their tiny body parts if they happen to be unwanted. Because, under twenty weeks, the “embryo” is just a soul-less blob of cells.
I believe life starts at conception - when the egg and sperm meet. So I believe I was truly pregnant with a precious baby boy or girl. I won’t call our miscarriage a “chemical pregnancy” because our baby was four weeks old, the size of a poppy seed, and had a beautiful little soul.
Any miscarriage, no matter how early, is hard! But we were so grateful to have only known for two days, not allowing too much attachment to take place. The exciting thing is that we are able to have children together. We are patiently - and excitedly - waiting for the Lord’s timing in this area of our lives!
“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” -Psalm 139:13-16
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